I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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