it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
