you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
