May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
