well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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