i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
