somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
send nudes
from the living room?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
