Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
