Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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