I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
