just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he shaved USA in his pubs
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
