but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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