FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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