I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm too high and old for this...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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