kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
