just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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