yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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