six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
