I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
