So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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