he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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