Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
