I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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