He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
