Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
