Where is the hickey?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
