Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
