I want to stick my p in your. b.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
