I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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