im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
