This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
