I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
