no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
as a side note pls kill me
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