Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
