Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
