I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
