Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
