And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
