Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
