Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
