I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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