it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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