I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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