Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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