ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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