tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
