Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
