There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found puke in my bra..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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