what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
