Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
