Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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