Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
