You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
